Classic Lettuce

                   HOW TO EFFECTIVLY WRITE A SHOCKING TEXT

Disclaimer:Do not use these instructions to write short stories for school
projects. This little gem is from a series that I think I did (don't
exactly remember) on writing stories. Maybe it was just this one text, I
seem to forget at the time. If you have ever written a story for your own
personal pleasure, or a story to show your friends, this one is for you.
I only hope that my advice works for you!

It's Lettuce Head here with a few pieces of advice for all of you budding
writers out there who want to be sick and shocking. I have some tips and
stratigies that should be followed... First, remember that profanity is not
always your best weapon. Profanity can even degrade your text if it becomes
apparent that it is your only tool to shock people. The best weapon that
any sick, disgusting, and perverted writer can use is imagination, graphic
descriptions, and lots of imagery. Which sounds better:
"Dougy chopped off the fucking head of the goddamn rabbit..."
"While lying in a pool of rabbit blood, Dougy ripped the rabbit's head from
 its furry body, which was now deep crimson with blood..."

I would venture to say that the second one was sicker. By unleashing the full
potential of your imagination, you can create more sickening scenerios that
would shock even the most perverted fucker. The graphic descriptions need to
be used to get your entire thought across, and the imagery helps the reader
be able to place the story in perspective, and almost feel, see, and taste
the action. Imagery is the writer's form of virtual reality. Hopefully these
tips will prove to work for you, and hopefully you will get the results
that you crave from the readers... and if that doesn't work, than just "chop
off the fucking heads of the readers!"